Living the winter - at 5:50pm last night I was at the bar for my regular Friday after-work drinks and less that 90 minutes later I was on the ski hill! Winter, for me, is really about as much snow time as possible. It was a random last minute trip. At 5:30pm last night, when asked my plans for the evening, my response included a home cooked meal and catching up on reading. And while Friday night at Vorlage was not "epic" it was really the perfect way for me to finish a week.
The first time I tried a carving board, I couldn't stand up on the thing, my shins were chewed up from the ski-boots I was using and I spent more time on my ass than on my feet, but I couldn't stop smiling. There was something about the grace and speed that just made me feel alive and I wanted more. Last year I bought boots, was using a very old and stiff board and borrowed bindings. And then my board "found me". I was not in the market - but I described my dream board to a few people. One day I was lent a board to demo which was the board, my board! I now believe in love-at-first-sight and sole-mates! I ride a Coiler, it is a hand-made Canadian carving board and is covered in flowers, big blue flowers. I am convinced that my board is the sexiest thing I own!
Last Saturday, friends texted me wishing me a great day rocking it up on my carving board - but I wasn't there (I avoid weekends because of the number of people, unless I can be there for first run). But they knew that was where I wanted to be, the know where my heart is this winter - starting a run on my beautiful Coiler and just listening to the wind run through my helmet. Even riding solo after work in the cold with terrible run and terrible run, there is no where I would rather be.
I know I might have a problem ... once the snow starts to fall and we sink into January, all I can think about is when I will be on the hill again, I lust over going fast, carving, feeling the board find the edge and curve around flexing under my boots. I fall asleep wondering when I will on the hill again - and I am now doing something I have never done before - I just go out alone for a few hours of snowboarding after work! I have found a fire where for a long time none existed. Something I wake up for, something I crave, something that makes me happy, something that is mine - something I can do and it doesn't matter how good or bad I am, I just love every second out there pushing it hard.
Tuesday I went to Tremblant with my sister for a day, next week I am driving to Osler (about 6.5 hours away from Ottawa) for a day of carving with 60+ other carvers. I am hoping that I can take some more random mid-week days off to hit more hills, to just be. It is my moment, where I am just me ... nothing else and no one else exists (apart from that skier snow-ploughing slowly down the hill in front of me). I am.
I love my snowboard - I love carving. I love winter ... and no; I will not break anything this year - so you all owe me dinner!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
MaoAversary - This week I celebrated my three-year anniversary with my buddy, Mao. I replaced a boy-friend with a Mao. My mother has called it my up-grade. The role is roughly the same; I feed him, drive him around, clean up after him and in return, he is very independent, in need of a lot of personal time, and affectionate when he chooses.
For a few years I had wanted a cat, and while I would ask "can we get a cat?" the answer was inevitably "really? Why would you want a cat?" Well, my housing situation changed and suddenly I found myself living alone for the first time in my life. Once again I asked "can I get a cat?" and the answer this time was "sure - you live in your own place!" but then I had to reflect ... did I really want a cat, or was I asking because I knew the answer would always be no! Did I really want a cat?
I spent two months thinking about it and decided that I would adopt an older cat from the Ottawa Humane Society shortly after Christmas. My thinking was that everyone wants a kitten and there is usually a deluge of animals after Christmas as people "up-grade" their pet choices; leaving older animals in need of a home. The issues associated with cats never really dawned on me; jumping onto surfaces including kitchen counters, digging in plants, chasing birds, trying to attack my fish, scratching my furniture .... a cat was a little beast that slept at the end of my bed, keeping my feet warm at night, or snuggled next to me while I read.
On Saturday January 12th, 2008 I found myself at the Humane Society looking for a new house-mate.
The cages were filled with cats of all shapes and sizes. How to choose which animal I should take home with me? How was my arbitrary criteria going to find me the "perfect" cat? I looked at all the people playing with the kittens and walking away with them, I circled the cages with older cats and then I saw a little tabby-cat; much older than I was expecting. He was depressed, hiding at the back of his cage which had been his home for over six weeks, but when they put him in my arms he snuggled, started to purr and then licked me!
He loves to snuggle and follow me around the house. He doesn't jump on any hard surfaces, ignores the fish, doesn't touch my plants and has only killed one bird - a very impressive feat for a de-clawed house cat smaller than most of my hand-bags. He isn't too bad in a car which makes it easy to drive the 4.5 hours to my parents place, and he has learned to hang out with dogs. He snuggles in the morning, and curls up around me feet when I am reading. He loves people and is curious when I have parties, meeting new people and melting into their lives. He can be a bit of a slut and as soon as someone new arrive at my house Mao has a new best friend, and occasionally he is vocal about his desire to hit the deck. But honestly, I couldn't ask for anything more in a cat.
He is my plug-and-play cat; I brought him home and he just was perfect. In the lottery of adoptions I have hit the jack-pot! I have the best cat in the world..
For a few years I had wanted a cat, and while I would ask "can we get a cat?" the answer was inevitably "really? Why would you want a cat?" Well, my housing situation changed and suddenly I found myself living alone for the first time in my life. Once again I asked "can I get a cat?" and the answer this time was "sure - you live in your own place!" but then I had to reflect ... did I really want a cat, or was I asking because I knew the answer would always be no! Did I really want a cat?
I spent two months thinking about it and decided that I would adopt an older cat from the Ottawa Humane Society shortly after Christmas. My thinking was that everyone wants a kitten and there is usually a deluge of animals after Christmas as people "up-grade" their pet choices; leaving older animals in need of a home. The issues associated with cats never really dawned on me; jumping onto surfaces including kitchen counters, digging in plants, chasing birds, trying to attack my fish, scratching my furniture .... a cat was a little beast that slept at the end of my bed, keeping my feet warm at night, or snuggled next to me while I read.
On Saturday January 12th, 2008 I found myself at the Humane Society looking for a new house-mate.
The cages were filled with cats of all shapes and sizes. How to choose which animal I should take home with me? How was my arbitrary criteria going to find me the "perfect" cat? I looked at all the people playing with the kittens and walking away with them, I circled the cages with older cats and then I saw a little tabby-cat; much older than I was expecting. He was depressed, hiding at the back of his cage which had been his home for over six weeks, but when they put him in my arms he snuggled, started to purr and then licked me!
He loves to snuggle and follow me around the house. He doesn't jump on any hard surfaces, ignores the fish, doesn't touch my plants and has only killed one bird - a very impressive feat for a de-clawed house cat smaller than most of my hand-bags. He isn't too bad in a car which makes it easy to drive the 4.5 hours to my parents place, and he has learned to hang out with dogs. He snuggles in the morning, and curls up around me feet when I am reading. He loves people and is curious when I have parties, meeting new people and melting into their lives. He can be a bit of a slut and as soon as someone new arrive at my house Mao has a new best friend, and occasionally he is vocal about his desire to hit the deck. But honestly, I couldn't ask for anything more in a cat.
He is my plug-and-play cat; I brought him home and he just was perfect. In the lottery of adoptions I have hit the jack-pot! I have the best cat in the world..
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Years Resolutions - 2011 and everyone is making resolutions! I have only made one resolution that I have ever kept; to stop making new years resolutions! So here are my reasons for why new years resolutions are a bad idea and I no longer participate in the annual ritual:
1 - If there is something you are committed enough to resolve to change it in your life, why wait till January 1st? If it is important; do it. Waiting is just an excuse and January 1st is an arbitrary point in time. Why is any day better in the year to decide to make your life better ... I like the idea of not procrastinating and just doing it; not waiting around for some magical date on a calendar.
2 - How many people do you know who have actually kept new years resolutions? By setting definitive goals, I am deeming myself to fail and will end up feeling bad! Change is hard and proclaiming on January 1st that I will do (or will never do) something in definitive terms with no wiggle rooms is basically a proclamation that I am not going to succeed, seen from a glass-half-empty point of view; it is a proclamation that I am going to fail! Change should be introduced slowly as new habits take time to form. I find it far more rewarding and I am more likely to be successful if I go slow and not beat myself up for slipping up now and then, instead of failing on my resolution in the first few weeks (or day).
3 - Suddenly embracing a new life-style at the same time as everyone else puts a huge strain on the system! This is me being selfish, but I hate yoga in January ... because suddenly everyone else is there. Or how about trying to get food at the grocery store, suddenly all the good stuff is gone because everyone has resolved to "eat-better this year". I find starting a new habit is easier at other times of the year. In the gym, the place is empty in the spring so I can slowly get comfortable, and set-up my routine. Or I can be healthy with my shopping habits starting in the summer, where there are so many options and making use of local food is easy.
4 - New years resolutions suggest that life isn't great the way it is. Sure, we all could look in the mirror and identify things in our lives that could be improved and we can all kick ourselves for not doing something about it sooner. But most people are doing an OK job of living life and loving themselves, and most people hate winter. Why kick yourself when you are down? Why, ten short days after the shortest day of the year, do people become all introspective and start to battle with winter and themselves?
I resolve instead to love winter (and myself) and take opportunities to reflection when they come. If you do read this blog on a regular basis, you are probably thinking that my new years resolution should be to bring a little more sunshine to this posts! Well, you are in luck - I promise (barring any nightmares) that the next post will be all passion and optimism ... until then; good luck with your resolutions, but don't come crying to me when in February you realise you have broken every one of them and feel miserable for it!
PS: Passion and optimism; no brownie points for guessing what the next post will be on!
1 - If there is something you are committed enough to resolve to change it in your life, why wait till January 1st? If it is important; do it. Waiting is just an excuse and January 1st is an arbitrary point in time. Why is any day better in the year to decide to make your life better ... I like the idea of not procrastinating and just doing it; not waiting around for some magical date on a calendar.
2 - How many people do you know who have actually kept new years resolutions? By setting definitive goals, I am deeming myself to fail and will end up feeling bad! Change is hard and proclaiming on January 1st that I will do (or will never do) something in definitive terms with no wiggle rooms is basically a proclamation that I am not going to succeed, seen from a glass-half-empty point of view; it is a proclamation that I am going to fail! Change should be introduced slowly as new habits take time to form. I find it far more rewarding and I am more likely to be successful if I go slow and not beat myself up for slipping up now and then, instead of failing on my resolution in the first few weeks (or day).
3 - Suddenly embracing a new life-style at the same time as everyone else puts a huge strain on the system! This is me being selfish, but I hate yoga in January ... because suddenly everyone else is there. Or how about trying to get food at the grocery store, suddenly all the good stuff is gone because everyone has resolved to "eat-better this year". I find starting a new habit is easier at other times of the year. In the gym, the place is empty in the spring so I can slowly get comfortable, and set-up my routine. Or I can be healthy with my shopping habits starting in the summer, where there are so many options and making use of local food is easy.
4 - New years resolutions suggest that life isn't great the way it is. Sure, we all could look in the mirror and identify things in our lives that could be improved and we can all kick ourselves for not doing something about it sooner. But most people are doing an OK job of living life and loving themselves, and most people hate winter. Why kick yourself when you are down? Why, ten short days after the shortest day of the year, do people become all introspective and start to battle with winter and themselves?
I resolve instead to love winter (and myself) and take opportunities to reflection when they come. If you do read this blog on a regular basis, you are probably thinking that my new years resolution should be to bring a little more sunshine to this posts! Well, you are in luck - I promise (barring any nightmares) that the next post will be all passion and optimism ... until then; good luck with your resolutions, but don't come crying to me when in February you realise you have broken every one of them and feel miserable for it!
PS: Passion and optimism; no brownie points for guessing what the next post will be on!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Ba-humbug (my Scrooge moment) - I am going to start this by making it clear I hate Christmas! I hate cheesy Christmas carols that blare from speaker systems everywhere you go, the over emphasis on buying stuff because you need to give gifts, the crowded malls, the forced "vacation" and expectation that this time must be spent with family, the over-eating, the canned merriment, the uncomfortable work parties and other people's children. See - I am a real Scrooge.
But there are things about the season I do love - I love giving gifts for the sake of giving gifts. I often have my Christmas shopping done months in advance because I see something that makes me think of someone and I get it. I love sitting by the fire and watching it snow with my stereo playing Canadian independent music. I love the meals my mother cooks and her cookies. I love everything that society has stolen from Christmas when Hallmark took over the holiday.
Christmas is a stressful time of year. There are expectations on how it is supposed to be, where you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to feel. And generally at this time of year I need to break out of the box more than usual, rebel against how commercial the season has become and I find it hard to embrace the spirit. I really hate Christmas.
... and then there was Tuesday night ...
Tuesday the weather was perfect; snowing all day and not too cold and I got back on my board and rode for the first time this year. I pushed it and had some fantastic runs, breaking out of my usual routine, I did it for me and for the thrill, I did it to get out of my head - to break from the box. The snow was falling, I got home late; tired and sweaty with my snowboard gear strewn across my dinning room. There were carols on the radio - but not the overdone ones that sound tiny and hollow - real carols, old fashioned carols, sung without accouterments. And instead of going straight to bed, I sat for a while with a tea, listened to the carols and watched the snow fall. It was a magical moment and really what I think the season should be about. I had a Scrooge moment.
Instead of running around and trying to create the perfect Christmas. Instead of getting hung up on the food, and the gifts, I am going to sit and be. Listen to music, watch the snow fall, take my time and spend it focusing on the magic of the moment. Time that I am not going to impose expectations on, time to just let life happen.
But there are things about the season I do love - I love giving gifts for the sake of giving gifts. I often have my Christmas shopping done months in advance because I see something that makes me think of someone and I get it. I love sitting by the fire and watching it snow with my stereo playing Canadian independent music. I love the meals my mother cooks and her cookies. I love everything that society has stolen from Christmas when Hallmark took over the holiday.
Christmas is a stressful time of year. There are expectations on how it is supposed to be, where you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to feel. And generally at this time of year I need to break out of the box more than usual, rebel against how commercial the season has become and I find it hard to embrace the spirit. I really hate Christmas.
... and then there was Tuesday night ...
Tuesday the weather was perfect; snowing all day and not too cold and I got back on my board and rode for the first time this year. I pushed it and had some fantastic runs, breaking out of my usual routine, I did it for me and for the thrill, I did it to get out of my head - to break from the box. The snow was falling, I got home late; tired and sweaty with my snowboard gear strewn across my dinning room. There were carols on the radio - but not the overdone ones that sound tiny and hollow - real carols, old fashioned carols, sung without accouterments. And instead of going straight to bed, I sat for a while with a tea, listened to the carols and watched the snow fall. It was a magical moment and really what I think the season should be about. I had a Scrooge moment.
Instead of running around and trying to create the perfect Christmas. Instead of getting hung up on the food, and the gifts, I am going to sit and be. Listen to music, watch the snow fall, take my time and spend it focusing on the magic of the moment. Time that I am not going to impose expectations on, time to just let life happen.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Shopping - I have given up shopping. I went cold turkey September 1st and am now only purchasing consumable products and cosmetics like soap, shampoo, tooth paste, alcohol. There are a few caveats; I can spend on house and car repairs, I continue to pay my bills and I can shop when I am not in Canada (you should see the boots I bought in London). I can replace essential items of clothing that might die and I can buy presents for friends and family ... not as extreme as some other environmentalists, but it is a start.
Why did I give up shopping? I was feeling to sucked into the consumer cycle of buying for the sake of buying - plus I kept coming home with purple sweaters and kitchen implements. I was spending $100's on little things here and there on a weekly basis that have done nothing to improve my general quality of life. Here in Canada we have a very high standard of living and our lives are pretty sweet - mine is fantastic, and while that fancy garlic press makes my life really easy, I never needed to buy it, or the matching ice-cream scoop, pizza slicer or peeler.
Now that I am no longer shopping, my weekends are not filled with miscellaneous trips to Canadian Tire to buy something for the house (I have started to improvise) or trips through malls battling with hundreds of other people for the same top from some generic store. The urge to spend is being replaced with a calm acknowledgment that the pleasure of whipping out my credit card lasts as long as a cheap Le Chateau top.
I am very lucky and have a fantastic quality of life and access to what I want, when I want it. Now I am taking the time to take stock of what I have a prioritize things. Not purchasing for the sake of purchasing means that I buy what I really need - not what I think I need. I have found myself thinking of all the things I need to buy next year when I start shopping again, but I forget them soon after I put them on my mental list, a sure sign that I never needed them in the first place.
Quick math: If I spend on average $200.00 a month of stuff I don't really need, in a year I save enough money for a return trip to Thailand AND a live-aboard scuba diving trip, talk about being really lucky and having a fantastic life! It could be worse - I could have eight purple sweaters instead of just four!
Why did I give up shopping? I was feeling to sucked into the consumer cycle of buying for the sake of buying - plus I kept coming home with purple sweaters and kitchen implements. I was spending $100's on little things here and there on a weekly basis that have done nothing to improve my general quality of life. Here in Canada we have a very high standard of living and our lives are pretty sweet - mine is fantastic, and while that fancy garlic press makes my life really easy, I never needed to buy it, or the matching ice-cream scoop, pizza slicer or peeler.
Now that I am no longer shopping, my weekends are not filled with miscellaneous trips to Canadian Tire to buy something for the house (I have started to improvise) or trips through malls battling with hundreds of other people for the same top from some generic store. The urge to spend is being replaced with a calm acknowledgment that the pleasure of whipping out my credit card lasts as long as a cheap Le Chateau top.
I am very lucky and have a fantastic quality of life and access to what I want, when I want it. Now I am taking the time to take stock of what I have a prioritize things. Not purchasing for the sake of purchasing means that I buy what I really need - not what I think I need. I have found myself thinking of all the things I need to buy next year when I start shopping again, but I forget them soon after I put them on my mental list, a sure sign that I never needed them in the first place.
Quick math: If I spend on average $200.00 a month of stuff I don't really need, in a year I save enough money for a return trip to Thailand AND a live-aboard scuba diving trip, talk about being really lucky and having a fantastic life! It could be worse - I could have eight purple sweaters instead of just four!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
AGE - I was at a concert last night watching the lovely Hannah Georges and Royal Wood. Royal Wood is an interesting character and liked to talk to the audience. At one point he decided to talk about how being over 30 is fantastic and he feels like he has come into his own. The first thing I thought was "dude; know your audience!" There were a significant group in the room who were obviously way past 30 and the remarks did come across condescending, I was slightly indignant for their sake. But I got to thinking about the deeper message and how being over 30 is fantastic.
I have to say that 30 was my best year yet! I had a blast. 31 has just not lived up to the expectations brought on by the party last year. Not that 31 has been all that bad and I would rather be here than anywhere in my 20's. I had no problems turning 30 and look forward to turning 32. Full disclosure; the fact that my YOUNGER sister is turning 30 this year freaks me out. My sister is fighting the "big-30". She wants to stay 29 forever and apart from that fact that staying 29 is so 1980's and overdone, I am not sure why people think the 20's is where it was at. If she wants to hang out at any age, I have suggested 33, although I have yet to try that vintage.
Royal Wood proclaimed (yes, it was a proclamation) that a lot of the insecurities that come along with your 20's seem to be left behind when you hit your 30's, and looking at the last 20+ months, I can agree. While it is not an overnight revelation, I do believe that I have settled more into who I am and what I want. I am willing and able to just go out and get it, set my own path, regardless of what people think.
I went to TimeKode (an monthly Ottawa dance party held in an Ethiopian restaurant) for the first time on Friday and I danced like I was back in University except without the need to get drunk. 2.5 hours just rocking it to the loud music and jostling with people for space to do my own thing. Part of the appeal is that TimeKode is just about the dancing, unlike clubs where it really is a meat market, but I think for the first time in my life, I just let it be and danced. At points I lost my friends in the crowd, and that didn't matter. It was 100% about dancing and just letting go and having fun. I know I would never have been able to do that in my 20's. If a 20 year old is dancing in a club without any of their friends to see them, are they still cool?
Now I am me. I am in my 30's and (at least sometimes seem) to have my life together. Sure, there are things I want to do and places I want to be, but I will make it happen, me. At 30 I am more aware of who I am, what I want and am willing to take responsibility. My learning from last night; delivery can kill an important message and that it really does get better with age.
I have to say that 30 was my best year yet! I had a blast. 31 has just not lived up to the expectations brought on by the party last year. Not that 31 has been all that bad and I would rather be here than anywhere in my 20's. I had no problems turning 30 and look forward to turning 32. Full disclosure; the fact that my YOUNGER sister is turning 30 this year freaks me out. My sister is fighting the "big-30". She wants to stay 29 forever and apart from that fact that staying 29 is so 1980's and overdone, I am not sure why people think the 20's is where it was at. If she wants to hang out at any age, I have suggested 33, although I have yet to try that vintage.
Royal Wood proclaimed (yes, it was a proclamation) that a lot of the insecurities that come along with your 20's seem to be left behind when you hit your 30's, and looking at the last 20+ months, I can agree. While it is not an overnight revelation, I do believe that I have settled more into who I am and what I want. I am willing and able to just go out and get it, set my own path, regardless of what people think.
I went to TimeKode (an monthly Ottawa dance party held in an Ethiopian restaurant) for the first time on Friday and I danced like I was back in University except without the need to get drunk. 2.5 hours just rocking it to the loud music and jostling with people for space to do my own thing. Part of the appeal is that TimeKode is just about the dancing, unlike clubs where it really is a meat market, but I think for the first time in my life, I just let it be and danced. At points I lost my friends in the crowd, and that didn't matter. It was 100% about dancing and just letting go and having fun. I know I would never have been able to do that in my 20's. If a 20 year old is dancing in a club without any of their friends to see them, are they still cool?
Now I am me. I am in my 30's and (at least sometimes seem) to have my life together. Sure, there are things I want to do and places I want to be, but I will make it happen, me. At 30 I am more aware of who I am, what I want and am willing to take responsibility. My learning from last night; delivery can kill an important message and that it really does get better with age.
Monday, November 8, 2010
London vs. Ottawa - I just got back from London (UK) and I am torn. I am 100% a BIG city girl. I grew up in the best city in the world; a city that truly never sleeps, where the lights and energy are always on, and which changes drastically every time I head back - Hong Kong. In three years who new areas emerge, links on the transit system appear on the subway maps and the system for crossing the boarder to China has changed drastically and yet it feels like home as soon as the airplane touches down. My heart has always been in Hong Kong and I probably will never be content until I can spend more than a week there. I live my life with "no regrets" and yet not returning to live in Hong Kong could be my one regret.
London is pretty fantastic too. I have not been there in over three years and yet I still knew my way around the core, I understood the rhythm of the city and the pace of life. Heading to a short play last minute after work, followed by a search for somewhere quiet in Soho for dinner at 9pm on a weeknight; perfectly normal. Walking in the rain, stopping for coffee, dodging taxis and buses along The Strand, just part of the fun. Sure, my knowledge of London is as someone experiencing the city in short bursts, but it reminds me of my true-love lost; Hong Kong. I miss real cities. (Sorry Ottawa, but you are only a large town ... a great town, but still just a town). I need the bustle and variety, I need people ... and underground public transport. I need shops and small little backstreet markets, I need dirt, grit and the under-belly. It makes me feel alive.
Now I am back in Ottawa. I love this city too ... while I miss the hustle and bustle of activity at any time of the day, the ability to slow down, relax and seek nature easily here in Canada's Capital speaks to me and makes me smile - I am eager for the winter and all the wonderful things I can do (none of which would be possible in Hong Kong or London). But I miss the ability to speak to people who have "real" jobs out in the "real" world, no gov-speak; and yet I couldn't think of anything I would rather do that be a public servant for the Government of Canada.
What to do? Where to go? Is it possible to live in London (or Hong Kong) and still spend as much time playing outside in the snow, or hiking? Can I make a difference and contribute for the larger good of Canadians while not living in Ottawa? The choices are endless and the lure of the unknown is great and yet part of me is comfy just hanging here in my house and making my up the civil service ladder. The golden handcuffs are too hard to shake and the possibilities with the public service are endless ... and yet I am starting to feel boxed in - like this is it and my skills might no longer transfer to the world outside.
I feel change brewing on the horizon. I just need to figure out what is really holding me back.
London is pretty fantastic too. I have not been there in over three years and yet I still knew my way around the core, I understood the rhythm of the city and the pace of life. Heading to a short play last minute after work, followed by a search for somewhere quiet in Soho for dinner at 9pm on a weeknight; perfectly normal. Walking in the rain, stopping for coffee, dodging taxis and buses along The Strand, just part of the fun. Sure, my knowledge of London is as someone experiencing the city in short bursts, but it reminds me of my true-love lost; Hong Kong. I miss real cities. (Sorry Ottawa, but you are only a large town ... a great town, but still just a town). I need the bustle and variety, I need people ... and underground public transport. I need shops and small little backstreet markets, I need dirt, grit and the under-belly. It makes me feel alive.
Now I am back in Ottawa. I love this city too ... while I miss the hustle and bustle of activity at any time of the day, the ability to slow down, relax and seek nature easily here in Canada's Capital speaks to me and makes me smile - I am eager for the winter and all the wonderful things I can do (none of which would be possible in Hong Kong or London). But I miss the ability to speak to people who have "real" jobs out in the "real" world, no gov-speak; and yet I couldn't think of anything I would rather do that be a public servant for the Government of Canada.
What to do? Where to go? Is it possible to live in London (or Hong Kong) and still spend as much time playing outside in the snow, or hiking? Can I make a difference and contribute for the larger good of Canadians while not living in Ottawa? The choices are endless and the lure of the unknown is great and yet part of me is comfy just hanging here in my house and making my up the civil service ladder. The golden handcuffs are too hard to shake and the possibilities with the public service are endless ... and yet I am starting to feel boxed in - like this is it and my skills might no longer transfer to the world outside.
I feel change brewing on the horizon. I just need to figure out what is really holding me back.
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