Shopping - I have given up shopping. I went cold turkey September 1st and am now only purchasing consumable products and cosmetics like soap, shampoo, tooth paste, alcohol. There are a few caveats; I can spend on house and car repairs, I continue to pay my bills and I can shop when I am not in Canada (you should see the boots I bought in London). I can replace essential items of clothing that might die and I can buy presents for friends and family ... not as extreme as some other environmentalists, but it is a start.

Why did I give up shopping? I was feeling to sucked into the consumer cycle of buying for the sake of buying - plus I kept coming home with purple sweaters and kitchen implements. I was spending $100's on little things here and there on a weekly basis that have done nothing to improve my general quality of life. Here in Canada we have a very high standard of living and our lives are pretty sweet - mine is fantastic, and while that fancy garlic press makes my life really easy, I never needed to buy it, or the matching ice-cream scoop, pizza slicer or peeler.

Now that I am no longer shopping, my weekends are not filled with miscellaneous trips to Canadian Tire to buy something for the house (I have started to improvise) or trips through malls battling with hundreds of other people for the same top from some generic store. The urge to spend is being replaced with a calm acknowledgment that the pleasure of whipping out my credit card lasts as long as a cheap Le Chateau top.

I am very lucky and have a fantastic quality of life and access to what I want, when I want it. Now I am taking the time to take stock of what I have a prioritize things. Not purchasing for the sake of purchasing means that I buy what I really need - not what I think I need. I have found myself thinking of all the things I need to buy next year when I start shopping again, but I forget them soon after I put them on my mental list, a sure sign that I never needed them in the first place.

Quick math: If I spend on average $200.00 a month of stuff I don't really need, in a year I save enough money for a return trip to Thailand AND a live-aboard scuba diving trip, talk about being really lucky and having a fantastic life! It could be worse - I could have eight purple sweaters instead of just four!

AGE - I was at a concert last night watching the lovely Hannah Georges and Royal Wood. Royal Wood is an interesting character and liked to talk to the audience. At one point he decided to talk about how being over 30 is fantastic and he feels like he has come into his own. The first thing I thought was "dude; know your audience!" There were a significant group in the room who were obviously way past 30 and the remarks did come across condescending, I was slightly indignant for their sake. But I got to thinking about the deeper message and how being over 30 is fantastic.

I have to say that 30 was my best year yet! I had a blast. 31 has just not lived up to the expectations brought on by the party last year. Not that 31 has been all that bad and I would rather be here than anywhere in my 20's. I had no problems turning 30 and look forward to turning 32. Full disclosure; the fact that my YOUNGER sister is turning 30 this year freaks me out.  My sister is fighting the "big-30". She wants to stay 29 forever and apart from that fact that staying 29 is so 1980's and overdone, I am not sure why people think the 20's is where it was at. If she wants to hang out at any age, I have suggested 33, although I have yet to try that vintage.

Royal Wood proclaimed (yes, it was a proclamation) that a lot of the insecurities that come along with your 20's seem to be left behind when you hit your 30's, and looking at the last 20+ months, I can agree. While it is not an overnight revelation, I do believe that I have settled more into who I am and what I want. I am willing and able to just go out and get it, set my own path, regardless of what people think.

I went to TimeKode (an monthly Ottawa dance party held in an Ethiopian restaurant) for the first time on Friday and I danced like I was back in University except without the need to get drunk. 2.5 hours just rocking it to the loud music and jostling with people for space to do my own thing. Part of the appeal is that TimeKode is just about the dancing, unlike clubs where it really is a meat market, but I think for the first time in my life, I just let it be and danced. At points I lost my friends in the crowd, and that didn't matter. It was 100% about dancing and just letting go and having fun. I know I would never have been able to do that in my 20's. If a 20 year old is dancing in a club without any of their friends to see them, are they still cool?

Now I am me. I am in my 30's and (at least sometimes seem) to have my life together. Sure, there are things I want to do and places I want to be, but I will make it happen, me. At 30 I am more aware of who I am, what I want and am willing to take responsibility. My learning from last night; delivery can kill an important message and that it really does get better with age.

London vs. Ottawa - I just got back from London (UK) and I am torn. I am 100% a BIG city girl. I grew up in the best city in the world; a city that truly never sleeps, where the lights and energy are always on, and which changes drastically every time I head back - Hong Kong. In three years who new areas emerge, links on the transit system appear on the subway maps and the system for crossing the boarder to China has changed drastically and yet it feels like home as soon as the airplane touches down. My heart has always been in Hong Kong and I probably will never be content until I can spend more than a week there. I live my life with "no regrets" and yet not returning to live in Hong Kong could be my one regret.

London is pretty fantastic too. I have not been there in over three years and yet I still knew my way around the core, I understood the rhythm of the city and the pace of life. Heading to a short play last minute after work, followed by a search for somewhere quiet in Soho for dinner at 9pm on a weeknight; perfectly normal. Walking in the rain, stopping for coffee, dodging taxis and buses along The Strand, just part of the fun. Sure, my knowledge of London is as someone experiencing the city in short bursts, but it reminds me of my true-love lost; Hong Kong. I miss real cities. (Sorry Ottawa, but you are only a large town ... a great town, but still just a town). I need the bustle and variety, I need people ... and underground public transport. I need shops and small little backstreet markets, I need dirt, grit and the under-belly. It makes me feel alive.

Now I am back in Ottawa. I love this city too ... while I miss the hustle and bustle of activity at any time of the day, the ability to slow down, relax and seek nature easily here in Canada's Capital speaks to me and makes me smile - I am eager for the winter and all the wonderful things I can do (none of which would be possible in Hong Kong or London). But I miss the ability to speak to people who have "real" jobs out in the "real" world, no gov-speak; and yet I couldn't think of anything I would rather do that be a public servant for the Government of Canada.

What to do? Where to go? Is it possible to live in London (or Hong Kong) and still spend as much time playing outside in the snow, or hiking? Can I make a difference and contribute for the larger good of Canadians while not living in Ottawa? The choices are endless and the lure of the unknown is great and yet part of me is comfy just hanging here in my house and making my up the civil service ladder. The golden handcuffs are too hard to shake and the possibilities with the public service are endless ... and yet I am starting to feel boxed in - like this is it and my skills might no longer transfer to the world outside.

I feel change brewing on the horizon. I just need to figure out what is really holding me back.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles - Time for another rant (I know - already!) This one is about VIA Rail, the Canadian monopoly that rules the tracks in Canada with crappy service and delays. But first - this is called Planes, Trains and Automobiles, because in the space of 24hours I will have used all of these and I know that the trains I take tomorrow morning in the UK will be fantastic, unlike what we are stuck with here.

As a tree-hugger, when possible, the train is the best way to travel. It is greener than a plane and some types of car, and is also less stressful and quite civilized. Driving to Toronto is boring and can drain you (4hours on a straight highway- usually after a day at work - tires and bores me). Pearson is to be avoided at all costs and as soon as the snow starts, the Island Airport is not that reliable ... so train it is. But there is only one option: VIA; ug!

My sister is throwing herself a birthday party in December and I decided that since I have to head to Oshawa (East-end of Toronto) flying is not an option and I didn't feel like driving, so I opted for the train. I waited for two months to purchase a ticket for the second weekend in December, hoping there would be a deal, but everyone I spoke to said that chance of one so close to the holiday-season was slim-to-none. So last week, I bit the bullet and purchased an economy return. Less than 48 hours later VIA had a 60% seat-sale for my route ... so much so that for the price of my no-frills, rock-bottom ticket, I could have traveled VIA1 (I love VIA1). And can VIA do anything ... nope! Sure, the people I spoke to at both ticket sales and customer "service" sounded sorry, but they just read the rules didn't double check to see if there was anything the could do. I was told that they "don't make the rules ... there is nothing you can do, and no way to make a more formal complaint". So here is my complaint:

VIA; your customer service sucks, and the only reason people continue to travel with you is because we have NO CHOICE. You are the only rail provider along the Windsor - Quebec City corridor.

Competition! Seriously - that is what we need here in Canada in some of the core services, especially in the transportation industry. Public buses in most Canadian cities have a single operator, the service often sucks and the buses are not cheap. In Hong Kong we had numerous different companies offering public bus services, many of the popular routes had several companies serving them and because of this, buses were regular and cheap. Here there is one service provider and they can do what they want, including a six week strike in the middle of winter stranding an entire city. Sure the say that costs are going up and ridership is going down, but perhaps we should look at why ridership is declining and fix this problem - wondering if it has something to do with the general experience of taking the bus. Trains are similar - the UK has many different providers running on the same tracks and they have neat incentives for people to choose one company over another.

When traveling along the Windsor - Quebec City corridor, choosing between a plane, train or an automobile is not a fair comparison as they all have significant differences and uses (I might need my car when in Toronto, or be heading to the East-end, I might be in a rush or need the time to review documents. What we need are choices so that no matter what I choose I am not stuck with one service provider. We need companies using the same rail lines and offering real service.

Lets home that in a few short hours Air Canada doesn't disappoint on the service delivery front as well. I have to say - I am not hopeful!

WINTER! - I know, you are thinking ... it isn't even November yet! But to survive (and thrive) in winter, you need to plan early and get excited about the possibilities - and living in the National Capital Region there are so many possibilities.

Last week I met up with the group I spent time snowboarding with last winter. It was the first time we had all been together since April, and it was great seeing them. Our meeting last year was serendipitous; we all carve, which is an obscure sub-category of traditional snowboarding (and I believe the original incarnation of the sport). There are only a handful of us in the NCR and five of us ended up on the same slope one night! Four of us became a pose with regular week-night expeditions and some fantastic road-trips. The winter flew past and we spent a lot of time outside embracing the best (and worst) of the hills. As we left the bar on Thursday we saw the first snowflakes of the season and took it as a good omen - one that tells of a winter full of fun and friends.

A few other past-times that I love during the long dark winters in and around Ottawa:

• WINTERLUDE: Geeky clean family fun. I am not usually one to embrace any activities where there are likely to be children, but Winterlude is one of the few I am willing to make an exception for. The ice-carvings, the great tasting menu's across the city, and everyone just being outside no matter how cold it is.
• SKATING (especially on the canal): Again with the geeky fun, but also exhilarating. To be outside crossing the city on ice-skates, stopping for a hot chocolate or beaver-tail, while the rest of the world sleeps.
• SNOWSHOEING: Weekends can be crazy on the hills, and so spending a nice day out in the woods away from the busy canal or ski-hills is wonderful. My favorite memories of snowshoeing was after a heavy snowfall with trees heavy under snow and the sun glinting off the ice in little brooks. It was cold but clear and crisp.
• BAKING: Sure, I bake in the summer - but it takes on a life of its own during the winter, breads, cookies, beasts, breads. Nothing beats a pizza made from scratch at home - including home made dough. The house is warmer and smells so great!
• MY FIRE PLACE: It isn't a practical fireplace since it seems to suck warmth out of my house, but there is something about sitting in front of a roaring fire after work, alone with a book and a mug of hot chocolate, or with friends, wine and great conversation.

The ski and snowboard show this weekend made it clear - it is time to put away the bike and deck furniture and find my mitts. It is time to turn on the heat and dig out the sweaters and locate my winter boots. It is time to plan a few road trips south of taller mountains that already have snow and it is time to remember how to live. November and winter can be long, gray and nasty until you find a way to really live them. 

So here are to seasons to be experienced and embraced. Winter is almost here - bring it!

Taboo - A friend recently sent me the opening lines from a Desperate Housewives episode: "It was a long time since Bri was a little girl, but she could still remember everything she had ever been told about sex:  her grandma informed her that it was a woman's burden, her minister warned her that it was a sin, her teacher taught her that it was unhealthy.  Yes, everyone told Bri that her sexual urges were dangerous, but no one ever taught her how to get rid of them"

She followed it with the comment "Interesting encapsulation of what we teach girls." So today I am going to talk about sex!

First I am going to ask if people still teach this to girls today - and I suppose they must as I have friends who will not talk about it, and still feel shameful for wanting (or even enjoying) it. Sure Sex in the City taught people that discussing female orgasms is fine and that satisfying a man is not satisfaction in itself. But still there seems to be an undertone that only women like Samantha, and all the steriotypes she embodies, can go about brazingly demanding it.

Why would anyone want to get rid of sexual urges? It seems wrong to deny something that is so natural - heck, most organisms do it all the time without shame. It seems the messaging is to try and stop people having sex too early, but maybe instead of spreading lies about sex, what really needs to be taught is the truth.

The truth about sex is that it is great ... when you do it with the right person for the right reasons (and sometimes that is just to scratch an itch). But the real truth about sex is that there are rights, responsibilities and consequences. People need to know what the consequences are ... the REAL ones ... before they embark on this magical journey. The truth is that some of the consequences are down right scary and involve disease, unwanted pregnancies, emotional and even physical devastation. This is what people need to be told ... not to scare them away from it, but to ensure they enter into it with eyes wide open and are in a position to make decisions.

When I was 18 and starting University, many of my friends had never had a sex-education class in their life (Catholic school system). What little information they had was so wrong that I knew better before puberty - and consequently, they didn't always make the best decisions because they had no one to ask and were so ashamed. Beyond basic health and safety, my female friends didn't know what to expect or that they deserved a respectful partner in bed.

People tend to follow and embrace what gives them pleasure - and lets face it, what is there not to enjoy. The younger you are, the harder it is to demonstrate self control and not experiment with something that everyone else seems to be doing and which is in the media all the time. But what these children don't know is what their rights are and what happens after.

Now - I am off for chocolate!

Scuba obsession: In just over 48 hours I will be diving, under water with the fish, coral and an uncountable number of other wild and wonderful organisms. Floating, drifting, observing, being. Not needing to be part of the scene that will play out on the reef or around a wreck around me.

I have been scuba diving over half my life and since I found stable employment it has become the focus of many of my adventures. Malta for ten days, Honduras for seven, Jordan and the Red Sea (tag on to a Petra trip), a week in a hut of a beach in Malaysia - and now Bermuda. For the 50 to 90 minutes I am under water, the world stops mattering and I exist. That is all, I exist. Listening to my breathing and taking pleasure in how my body moves under water.

Diving has always been in my blood, since I was old enough to hold my head up I have been in the water, my parents met scuba diving before computers were invited and when people were still using "reserves" (I actually know how to tell someone I am on my reserve - old school!) My sister and I have an understanding underwater and click as the perfect dive buddies, we have whole conversations underwater about how we would cook the fish, or how it would be nice to see a lobster, and then eat it (it is our Asian up-bringing). We know each others pace and how to laugh underwater at people rushing around trying to see everything.

Often I wonder what it would be like to take diving to the next level, to pursue more certification, become an under-water photographer, or teach. But I realise that, for me, that would take the joy out of. I can be an honest tourist under water. I am responsible for my safety and that of my buddy, and the buck ends there. I can be in the moment and not try and capture that really neat fish in a photo. If I taught, I would have to dive in Canada and that would really crush me (cold and brown with currents around ships that require ropes).

Instead I will just love the moment and be happy worrying about no body or anything. 30-60ft under, looking up and watching the sun play off the water surface, blowing bubbles and just being. For the minutes I am under water, I will be my most at peace.