Meat and vegetables - It is the May long-24, the first official day of the Canadian planting season. I put in a few vegetables last weekend and hope to have home grown lettuce and tomatoes, as well as some herbs and cat-nip. The farmers markets are now open as well, and while I am looking forward to the selection of fresh fruit and vegetables, what I will miss is my monthly meat delivery.

Last fall, a friend of mine and I signed up for to share a cow. We technically didn't get the WHOLE cow, just choice cuts from her friend, Farmer Paul, who spent last summer raising these beautiful bovines, and this year will be raising even more. A few things that rocked about my shared cow:

• It was honestly some of the BEST beef I have ever had in my life. Purests will tell you that great meat should never be frozen, but I beg to differ. I defrosted a Porter House to open the BBQ for the season, and with very little marinating, the steak just melted in my house. It was fresh and juicy and a moment of pure bliss ... times like that I am glad I am single; I don't have to share it with anyone!
• Farmer Paul drops it off all through the winter. When I first started looking into whole beasts purchased from local farmers, I found that they often just give you half the animal. How am I supposed to store that much meat? Receiving a drop-off every month, meant that I only had enough to eat through the month and didn't have to worry about losing choice cuts somewhere deep in the bowels of a chest freezer.
• No tyranny of the cow. I once signed up for a vegetable box and I felt that every week I was beholden to the goodness in the box ... there was just too much to consume and sometimes produce had to be disposed of. It was heartbreaking and a huge waste! With a shared purchase, there is only a small drop-off with a variety of cuts every month for six months. Three-to-five pounds is more than enough to keep someone satisfied for a month without feeling beholden to emptying the freezer before the next delivery and giving me the space to eat other things during the month.
• No commitment. Paul did door-to-door deliveries once a month, but sometimes I was just not around to receive them ... but with a shared purchase, someone is bound to be home on the cold Saturday morning when the meat is delivered. It resulted in the freedom to enjoy winter to its fullest without having to worry about being around to receive the monthly drop-off.
• Variety every month. On the whole, we knew what was coming in each box, but as it was shared some months I would get mince - leading to wonderful spaghetti sauces - and just as I was getting tired of that, a new box would arrive and this time I would have a roast and sausages. There is something fun about not exactly knowing what you will get this month, that leads to creativity in the kitchen.
• Sharing brings you closer to your friend. Winter can be cruel, with people disappearing for months either because they revel in every second of the season or they are holding tight waiting for spring. Sharing meat with a friend means you get to see them at least once a month. You can share recipes, barter over cuts, invite them over for dinner to help devour the roast.

This summer, I hope to actually meet the cows that will sustain me over the winter at Grazing Days farm. And  I plan to share a purchase again this winter. To summer, and the produce it will bring us, the rain, the sun and the cows that will grow healthy over the next few months so that I can make sauces, stews, sausages and steaks through the winter months.

A moment of pure bliss - Ah vacation ... how I miss you, the ridiculously long flights (over 46hours on an airplane over 2 weeks), living out of a suitcase, the lack of clean laundry, the fantastic food, the cheap massages ($5.00 for an hour), the home coming in Hong Kong, the usual sights and real public transit! My two-plus weeks in Hong Kong and Bali (Indonesia) were really needed. It was fantastic, but I was numb leaving Hong Kong and realising that I had to come back to "reality" soon.

The homecoming is always bitter-sweet and suddenly the lack of hot-water and water pressure in that hotel on the beach seems quaint, the mosquito nets and haphazard air-conditioning seems like fancy extras and the total disconnection from smart-phones, e-mail and computers in total a release. There were no moments when I felt home-sick, where I wondered about home or work, where I thought about my bed - NONE. I was 100% there and just living it fully. But there were a few moments, that were the perfect moments. Moments I will not forget.

108-foot under water
I had two criteria when I invited friends to join me; Hong Kong and scuba diving, everything else was negotiable! I got five days of diving on a remote beach in Bali, in a tiny town called Amed, the closest ATM was 30 minutes away by car, the sea was calm and the locals friendly. On day four, there were other divers, but none could join me on "the wall" because they were not experienced enough (note I was always with an experienced local Dive Master). The wall was over 120ft deep and teeming with life, from pygmy seahorses and cheeky clown fish to cuttle-fish and giant hump-nose Napoleon fish. But one thing always lures me - the vastness of the deep. Swimming away from the wall and just watching the blue - wondering what is out there and what might appear. The world isn't quiet when you are 100ft underwater but out there, beyond the wall there is a different quiet and an emptiness that is full of life. It excites me and scares me and something about just waiting thrills me and makes me feel alive.

Alone on the beach after sunset
On  night number six in Amed, I was alone - the others had gone on ahead to Ubud. My usual after scuba diving ritual included a late lunch, a swim, a massage, another swim, a shower, drinks watching the sunset and dinner. None of this change except that I was running behind "schedule" and ended up on the beach with a cold beer after sunset. The sea off Amed was calm, like glass, and reflected the full moon the first few nights, but this last night, the moon never made an appearance, instead the perfect stillness reflected the southern stars. As I lay on the beach-chair gazing at the upside down star-scape, I watched a distant thunderstorm slowly move north from over Lombok, across the ocean - just on the horizon. Each bolt of lightening shadowed the monstrous thunder-caps, and yet where I was there was no breeze, no rain, no sound - only stars.

I am now basking in the joy of an Ottawa spring, the weak sunshine and early morning bird songs, but often I think back to my seven days in Amed and how peaceful and uneventful life was, and yet how alive I felt.

Best City in the World - It has been a while, but my excuse is that I have been out of the country. Vacation (or a home coming - whichever you prefer)! I spent over a week in my favorite place on earth and my real home; Hong Kong. Now I sit in Canada and wonder what it is that keeps me here when my heart really is halfway around the world.

I grew up in Hong Kong and until 2003 my family was based there full time. Hong Kong has always been where I feel most at ease. But more than just home, Hong Kong is a vibrant city with lights, and food and public transport. There are vast expanses of forest (over half of Hong Kong is parkland mainly because it is too steep to build on) and beaches that could compete with Thailand or the Caribbean, there are cheap shopping deals and rat-warren like markets next to New York style streets filled with designer brands. Hong Kong has restaurants where meals can cost more than a down payment on a house and restaurants where you can eat your fill for the cost of a Canadian bus ride. There is always something to do and people around, and yet when you know where to look you can find solitude and calmness.

Now I live in Ottawa, a city which claims to have one of the highest quality of lives anywhere in the world, and I would have to agree. Everything I love about Hong Kong is missing here in Canada's Capital - and yet I love it for that. I like the cleanness, the consistency, the calm quiet and the pace. I love the hidden gardens and fresh water features throughout the city. I love being able to bike around the city or walking home from work (even in the middle of summer) and I love seasons that go from gray to green in a few fast days. Here in Ottawa, I can slow down and take time to just watch the world slowly go by or I can be on the skihill 30 minutes after I leave work!

So what is the best city in the world? Well - I suppose it depends on what you are looking for and I think this changes over time. I lived in Toronto for about 7 years and for that point in my life, it was a great city. The question for me is when will Ottawa no longer be enough and will I ever make it to Hong Kong. If I am truly to live a life of no regrets, I have to go back - I have to live the rush of uncertainty, and yet there are qualities about Ottawa that I am loath to give up. So right now, I am going to focus on how lucky I am to not only live here, but to have the choices on where to live.

To find out more about Ottawa, join Jane's Walk (May 7 & 8) and explore this great city on foot for the weekend - www.janeswalkottawa.ca. To find out more about Hong Kong, buy me a plane ticket and I will play tour guide (references available - I speak more Chinese that you would guess!)

Fun fact: Hong Kong has 7+ million residence in a land mass a third the size of Ottawa, ON

Personal Mastery, mastering the art of milestones - Personal mastery is an important step in becoming a true learning organization practitioner. A learning organization practitioner cultivates personal mastery in others - helping them learn and grown and understand that they often already know the real answers. While sipping on the kool-aid over the weekend, I realised that what I actually needed was to develop my personal mastery.

I do not think of New Years as a time to make resolutions - I feel that if there is something in your life that you want to change, don't put it off - and yet I have put off making changes in my life for a long time. I have the same job, the same house and in general life has been the same for the last little while. And things have not been great. I have mulled and joked over the need for change, but I have sat here impotent, unable to unwilling to do anything. I was recently re-energized and am now ready to actually tackle the issues, and possibly start to see them as opportunities. Cornwall had taught me to ask real questions to get to the root of the problem.

So my deep dark secret is that I recently celebrated a birthday. It was not an important one, but for the first time in my life I felt unwilling or unable to "celebrate". The idea of this milestone was really about forgetting the previous year. In my opinion, the day could pass unnoticed and un-acknowledged by anyone. And as the sun shone brightly and my friends plotted dinner and cup-cakes, instead of wallowing in the mess that was my year - I decided to start taking actions to address the issues that have been brewing, to stop making excuses for myself.

Personal Mastery is about realizing that you already poses the answers and the skills to effect the change that you need. Milestones are opportunities to realize that it is time to do something.

Less than healthy and the perfect pineapple punch - I do not believe in being sick. I do not have the time or energy, and winter is really to short to spend time inside feeling miserable. And yet ... well, I have been less than healthy. It snuck-up on me. One minute everything was OK and then suddenly I couldn't get out of work fast enough. I felt weak and pathetic and just generally miserable, totally unmotivated to do anything, certainly not willing to even try to troop through it and go to work regardless. I suppose another reason being sick is against my better judgment is that it SUCKS. Although sometimes you need to be sick to remember how great it is to always be healthy.

Being at home for a few days can either be hell or can be a great opportunity for reflection. The cure of winter blues is opportunity, focusing on what is right and how to get there, the cure is snowboarding and seeing friends. Moping around the house is probably not the best time to try and find inspiration - which brings me to the Kool Aid! The Perfect Pineapple Punch for the bureaucratic blues - which was what I really had (the feeling of irrelevance, of my inability to contribute - not the feeling of body aches) was "LOCoP".

I spent a whole week being revitalized in Cornwall (who knew Cornwall could be so inspirational). It was an opportunity to learn, grown and reignite my passion for the public service and life in general. Being surrounded by people who are there to learn together and being given the tools to over come issues was truly reinvigorating and part of me feels like I have joined a cult. My cult is lead by an ever evolving "faculty" to which anyone can step up and offer to support. We believe in working together, in collaboration, in listening and in sharing mental models to help develop better understandings of issues and opportunities, to developing the spaces to ensure our organizations stay people focused, become real Learning Organizations.

Funny thing is that the Perfect Pineapple Punch Kool-Aid we all seemed to be drinking hasn't worn off, there is a little bit of calming down and a reality check which I know people at work will provide soon enough, but beyond that - this new way of thinking is slowly taking over and I am glad to be part of it.

To Wave 8, I say thank-you for everything you shared with me and for an exhausting but invigorating week. I don't think the bureaucratic blues will be sneaking up on my anytime soon - but I know the perfect punch to help us, if they do. I feel like I have been on a natural high for a week and I am grateful to the people who shared that with me.

International Woman's Day - Celebrating the accomplishments of women is easy in Ottawa; I am surrounded by some incredible, intelligent, passionate and compassionate women. This city is teaming in them - they are here to make a different and have the tools and tenacity to actually do it! Ottawa basking in an abundance of dynamic women who are ready to effect real change.

I also know some wonderful women in Canada and around the world - I will not list them all, or this will be a boring post and I don't want to accidentally leave one off. They are blazing trails and sticking to their guns - not just in careers that excite them, but following their hearts and never letting barriers stand in the way of pursuits that keep them balanced, be that travel, mountain biking, teaching, skiing, climbing or volunteering. Our jobs alone no longer define who we are or how we make an impact.   

Recently I have received e-mails from friends scattered around the world who muse giving up their jobs and having babies. Part of me is sad that they are leaving behind the potential to make a difference, but I suppose it also gives me hope ... if these fabulous women choose to raise children, then there is hope for future generations. I find that my baby-friends seem to be a lot more level-headed and pragmatic than others I have crossed in past adventures. Spending a lovely afternoon with such a couple and their very well behaved 13-month old really made this point.

To all my wonderful women friends - keep doing what you are doing. Make a difference in the way you need to and continue to inspire me. I learn from you all and I know the world is a better place because of you all.

Winter driving - This was the first year in a while that I have not changed my own tires. I like changing my tires, there is something empowering and meditative about it - plus, I like to practice so that if I am in a situation where I actually have to change them in winter, I know what to do. I do a lot of winter driving. Apart from heading to the ski hill as often as possible, I have also done the trip twice to my parents place since Christmas. The drive - while beautiful - is remote and deserted. I learned just how remote and deserted ten days ago.

The drive over was long. Traffic leaving Ottawa really slowed me down and resulted in the "interesting" parts of the drive all being done in the dark. I have been lucky enough not to have done the first parts of the drive in the dark in a long time. And so there I was driving in the dark on a very windy night. And then outside Bancroft I hit the first of two white outs. Driving along at 20km, not being able to see the road and hoping you are on the right side of the road when cars head at you can be terrifying, especially when you don't have anywhere to actually stop to let the weather blow over.

A few when driving in conditions like that - test breaks and tires to see how slippery the road really is, never use the high beams, be hyper aware and know that you have to trust your passenger side mirror, lastly, love the way that on-coming traffics' lights play off the snow in the sky and light every thing up.

The drive took six hours (90 minutes longer than usual - it could have been worse). I figured on the way back, things really couldn't be any worse, right? Wrong! The road was dry and fast until the half way mark when I hit light snow and conditions slowed down, but it was still very drivable. Soon after I pulled onto Highway 41, I picked up a pick-up truck and followed him until we ended up on the scene of an accident. The two of us were first on the scene.

It was a roll-over. A car heading in my direction had hit black ice and skidded into oncoming traffic pulling a full 270 and in the process hitting an SUV full on. The SUV ended up in the ditch, on its side, the driver strapped in and hanging from her seat belt. As the men extracted her from the vehicle, I called 911; but there was no service. We tried to move her into my car, but decided it would be too hard to get her in and out, so instead she spent 40 minutes on the tail gate of the pick-up truck wrapped in my jacket and blankets as we waited for the ambulance. While others dealt with getting traffic through, I sat with Shauna and tried to calm her down.  

An ambulance was called by a passing car from a house down the road and eventually the fire trucks arrived as did the police. Once Shauna was on her way to the hospital, I was given permission to head out - following the ambulance, after removing the inch of snow that had accumulated on my car since I had pulled over. The total drive home took 5 and a half hours.

There is no moral to the story, or learning. Just a reminder that the roads are dangerous in winter and that we should always stop and help.